"Goes to Jail..." Review by Eric Horowitz


Did You Hear the News?

The Max Levine Ensemble in jail! Could it be true? And not even for indecent exposure, vandalism, or murder. What are the chances? Well my friends when you hear the story I have to tell, you will realize there are more important things in life than stuffing a dog in a suitcase.

Our story begins on a Monday night in early June as the band is leaving the local bridge club where they had fared quite well that evening. As they all piled into Rejy's shiny new Honda, John D. Bepstein spotted something in the glove compartment. He reached in and pulled out TMLE's first album. Curious as to how the band's old stuff would sound to them now, they popped it in the cd player. As the music blared from the speakers an immediate change could be seen in the band. Johnny D. stroked his goatee. Alex patted his belly. Spoonboy honked the horn. Adam and matt lewis high fived, and Rejy yelled to a speechless Max Levine that his teeth sucked.

The music played on, and the cd finally came to and end just as Rejy parked the car in front of the band's favorite eating establishment. They went in and sat down to get something to eat. Suddenly Rejy remembered he had left his money in the car, and he left to go retrieve it. As he left the restaurant Rejy noticed something. A tall man in a shiny police uniform was leaving the local donut shop. He didn't know what came over him, but all of the sudden Rejy began walking over to the man. He approached the man from behind, picked him up and threw him to the ground. Rejy grabbed the box of donuts took one out and triumphiantly held it high above his head. The frightened policeman backed away. He told Rejy that he needed to calm down and just walk away. Rejy stood there in silent contemplation. Suddenly, from the pit of his stomach he yelled out at the top of his lungs "CHACH RULES!!!!!" The now terrified policeman pulled out his gun and shot Rejy in the leg. Not knowing what to do the cop threw Rejy in the car and took him to prison.

Back at the eating establishment Alex was wondering what was taking Rejy so long. He decided to look for him at the local donut shop. Alex entered the shop and even before he could look for Rejy he spotted a cop with a donut. He pushed the cop over a table into an old lady and grabbed his donut. The cop sprang up, pulled out his handcuffs and began to arrest Alex for assaulting a police officer. "You have the right to remain silent," the officer began, but Alex could contain himself no longer. "CHACH RULES!!!!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. The hungry cop had had just about enough. He pulled out his baton and started beating Alex sensless.

The remaining members of the band were still waiting for their food when Bepstein's cell phone rang. It was Rejy and he was in jail. Bepstein told him they would be there right away. Not having Rejy's car keys was a problem but they managed to smash open the widows and Max Levine used his experience as a car theif to hotwire the car.

When they arrived at the station they decided it would be best if only one of them went in,and since Mat wasn't going to sit in the car while one of his friends rotted in prison he insisted he go. Mat approached the desk where there was a cop with a box of donuts. Mat grabbed a donut. "Help yourself," the cop said politely. Mat stood there for a moment, and then quietly remarked "you know, chach rules." The cop froze. His face turned bright red and he grabbed mat by the shoulders. "Do you mean the same Chach who robbed 8 of the finest banks in town!!!! the same Chach who shot 3 of my buddies!!! the same Chach who slept with my wife!!! I'll kill you!!! Get your ass in prison!!!!" and with that he picked Mat up and tossed him in the cell with Alex, Rejy, and their new friend Bubba.

Back in the car Spoonboy, Adam, Bepstein and Max decided to go in and see what taking so long. They walked in a saw the box of donuts and the cop. Instantly they began grabbing for the donuts and yelling "chach rules" at the top of their lungs. Backup was called. Then more Backup. When the dust finally settled, only one thing was clear. The Max Levine Ensemble was in jail.

Written by Eric Horowitz