You Are a Rude Thoughtless Little Pig

- so people who don't like u2, here is what they like, ok.  i'm ok with this so far.
- i love the guitar sound, i have to say!
- this sounds fine so far, i could like this. so far so good.  i'm ok still... I KNOW YOU'RE BITTER!! how does a band stand in a room with someone singing like that and think "yeaaah"
- but wait turn it up.  it's not only absurdly out of key, but they're also out of time.  they're off rhythm with each other and the music.  it's sort of like jerry lewis in his delicate delinquent days fronting a punk rock band.  LADIIIEEESSS!! my worst nightmare is to find somebody who likes that band and also likes my stuff, because then immediately, IMMEDIATELY, i'm going to start questioning myself and ask myself "what am i doing wrong??"
- now what if one of them was to offer you sex. 
- um, they're all fellows, so no. but actually even if they were ladies, no.  i mean when you get to our age, the idea of having sex with somebody...
- you think it's badass, but it's not badass!! you crack me up.
- i don't have roller-skates that light up at night.
- come on.  you sir, are the old man.